06:15
Today is Mother’s Day. I get irritated when people turn certain values into “special occasions.” Apparently we are supposed to remember to value our mothers. Of course we should — but what is the point of spending the whole year doing nothing, then buying a gift because the calendar says so and acting as if that settles everything? It feels absurd to me. If we truly value people every day, there would be less need for this kind of thing. And why should anyone else decide when I ought to buy a gift? If I feel like giving something, I will do it when it comes from me. Why should I feel obliged to buy something on a prescribed day? It all feels rather hollow.
What I do love about Sundays is breakfast. Sitting around the table together as a family is priceless. My son came home yesterday, thankfully. This morning I’m thinking we should make a proper breakfast — maybe something with potatoes. We still haven’t finished Castle. Maybe, if I’m honest, we don’t really want it to end. We still haven’t decided what we will watch after that.
Yesterday, by chance, I watched Fried Green Tomatoes, the film adapted from the novel. I realized it was made back in 1991. Such an old film, and somehow I had never come across it before. I really liked it. I only wish I had seen it earlier.
I also finished The Good Doctor. It had gone on for quite a while, so I think it was the right time for it to end. I was glad to follow the story of an autistic doctor and his growth. When you have people around you who believe in you, it makes all the difference.
This evening we’re going to my mother’s for a barbecue. My sister-in-law is in the village helping paint her mother’s house. She said she would make it in time for dinner, but honestly, if she doesn’t, I won’t lose sleep over it. We can’t put everyone’s enjoyment on hold. The time is clear, the place is clear. If you think you won’t finish what you’re doing, then you say so and don’t come.
Lately, I think she and her husband are at odds again. The other day his phone service was cut off because the bill hadn’t been paid. My husband called and asked me to pay it. When I asked him later why, he said his brother didn’t want to deal with his wife directly. Normally he handles the bills himself anyway. This time it had gone overdue, and since there was no way for him to pay it directly, it needed to be charged to her card. He preferred not to call her and avoid the whole confrontation.
My very esteemed sister-in-law somehow has time for everything except paying bills and understanding her husband’s struggles. We often say perhaps this is my brother-in-law’s test in life. But I truly do not understand how a person can treat their spouse as though they were an enemy.
You have to be careful not to praise her husband in front of her. She has this way of thinking that only she can be the best at anything. If anyone says something positive about him in a social setting, apparently there is an argument waiting at home.
She has bipolar disorder, but she refuses to accept it. When they were first married, she had medication and took it regularly. Before their first year of marriage was even over, she stopped. After that, things only got harder. No matter what, her family should have kept a closer eye on the situation, and her husband should have made sure she stayed on treatment. Unfortunately, the strain of all of this spills over onto the rest of us.
Her confidence is permanently sky-high, and if you ask her, she does everything herself. But I know the reality. My brother-in-law did so much for the children, and he still takes care of nearly everything for all three of them. Yet according to her, she raised them completely alone.
She is always right. She is always the best — the prettiest, the most successful, the hardest-working, the most loyal, the most capable. The list never ends. With her, you are either a friend or an enemy. But that division exists entirely in her own mind. You do not even have to do anything. If she has decided you are not “good,” then you simply are not.
You could perform miracles and it still would not matter.
For years we have grown tired of this, and now we mostly keep our distance. I do not even really listen anymore. It is easier just to nod and move on. She is not going to understand anyway, so why waste my energy?
Still, there are moments when I feel like having one honest argument and cutting her out of my life for good. I am human, after all. I am not made of endless patience. And even though I know I am one of the most patient people you could meet, sometimes I feel myself reaching the edge.
And I know myself well enough to know that if I start speaking and a real argument begins, I will carry it all the way through. That is exactly why I work so hard not to let it get there. My husband matters to me, and I do not want him to fall out with his brother.
But I would be lying if I said there are not moments when I feel like one of those cartoon characters — grabbing someone by the collar and shaking some sense into them.
Anyway. We stay calm. Because otherwise it would end badly.
Yesterday, S. had an argument with her son. This new generation of children is something else. There is no respect for parents. They think they know everything. They complain constantly and seem to have no real purpose.
And heaven forbid they do not get what they want — then all hell breaks loose.
They think answering back and having an opinion means maturity. My child, in all the places where you think you know something, there are things I have forgotten that you have not even begun to learn.
Who exactly do you think you are challenging?
If only they stepped out of the artificial little world they have built online, they might begin to notice what real life looks like.
My own son is no different. It feels as if the whole generation is the same. They do not want to work. They sit with phones in their hands, detached from the world. If possible, they would stay in their rooms all day — and perhaps not even bother going to school.
They question everything — life, the world, society — but so often it feels like empty noise. If you said, “Fine then, go and change the world,” most of them would not know where to begin.
And now I have managed to irritate myself first thing in the morning.
We somehow made it this far in life. I honestly do not know how they will manage.
Last week, for example, I got annoyed with my sister-in-law’s eldest daughter. You are in high school now. It is time to take responsibility. Everyone was trying to prepare the table, and she was sitting there playing on her phone as though nothing else existed.
When I said something, she got offended. But there was nothing to be offended by. People much older than you are not there to wait on you.
I do not understand how they can stare at those games without looking away. Do they really think they can spend their whole lives playing games while other people take care of them?
That is not how life works.
I would have loved it too, back in the day — not working and still having money appear every month. But nobody hands out money for free.
Sometimes I worry that we are raising a generation without direction.
May God grant what is best for all of us — and may this new generation be given some wisdom.